Diary Entries on Will Brady's website

gay parents / adoption / impact of legalized prejudice |

The recent PrimeTime inter- view on ABC with Rosie O'Donnell breaks new ground as far as I'm concerned.

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The Lofton-Croteau family

     But equally poignant is the story of the Lofton family whom the State of Florida has targeted to remove Bert, one of the family's foster children, solely on the basis that his foster parents (who no doubt would like to be be able to adopt) are a gay couple.
     The State of Florida's argument here is supposedly based on the "morailty" of having gay parents raising non-gay kids. For my money, its the same morality that led to the creation of Jim Crow Laws and Lynchings. Florida, incidentally, was no slouch in this area, and throughout much of the 20th Century vigorously enforced such bigoted and destructive practices.
     The state of South Carolina even called for prohibitions of Child Custody based on racial grounds. "It shall be unlawful for any parent, relative, or other white person in this State, having the control or custody of any white child, by right of guardianship, natural or acquired, or otherwise, to dispose of, give or surrender such white child permanently into the custody, control, maintenance, or support, of a negro¹ (South Carolina). What we have here with gay families is exactly the same situation. Only the "white person" is a state bureaucrat enjoined against allowing "a gay"¹ the opportunity to raise a child, even a child that a bureaucrat might acknowledge has gone unplaced with a "suitable heterosexual person." Similar legislation, to be sure, was also part of Florida law.
      What I'm getting at here, is that Florida, too, has 'a history' of promoting prejudicial behaviors, often under the guise of 'moral forthrightness'. Moreover, it has been done with the endorsement and support of that State's leadership. That still doesn't make it either moral, ethical or right. Indeed, leadership's involvement may have more to do with social control² issues than it does with being antigay, but that's a whole 'nother subject.
     Now, I realize that some very devout and pious folks may take exception to comparing the African-American experience with that of gay parents (even gay people in general) but I would maintain that such folks don't personally know what impact being gay ~in this time and society~ has on those of us who are. So in this matter, well-meaning (but still ignorant) folks have to walk in our shoes before taking umbrage with the comparison. For that comparison is legitimate, relevant and it applies.
     Why do I say this? Why do I even think it has to be said? Because one's sexual orientation is not a matter of choice. It is simply the way we are. It's as simple as that. Some people may elect not to believe this, but through the course of human hisory people have maintained a wide range of beliefs that turned out to be false. A flat earth or that people are poor because of bad genes.
      In many parts of the world right now [ Egypt, fer instance] being gay can result in social ostracization, imprisonment, torture, even death by beatings or executions. I know of no one who (emotional masochism aside) would voluntarily choose to have these as life options. Being gay is not a choice.
     Less dramatic than death, but no less devastaing to the living, are the legion of kids who, over the years, have been physically beaten, emotionally abused, sometimes forced into "reparative therapy" programs; even abandoned and disowned by supposedly moral, upright, law-abiding parents soley because their kid is gay or lesbian. Some of those kids were as young as 10 or 12. I suppose that's also considered a lifestyle choice by the bigots in Florida who don't want responsible gay adults adopting children who had been deemed unwanted anyways.
     It isn't sexual orientation, nor race/ethnicity, nor even economic or social standing that should be used to guage one's ability to parent a child. The individual's ability to provide a safe, nurturing environment, the ability to encourage and challenge the child to grow and become a responsible, productive member of society; these ought to be the watch-points to review. Will a child raised by gay parents end up gay themselves? As Roger Croteau succinctly put it on the PrimeTime program last night, "...My parents weren't gay...". For the overwhelming majority of us who are gay, we were raised by non-gay parents. We may have been conflicted when we realized our own identities, but it didn't change who we are. Likewise, neither will a child who isn't gay going to change whom she or he is soley on the basis of their parents' sexual orientation.
     Now, as it happens, I am a father, and I'm gay. My son is not, and never has been. And while this may be telling stories out of school, to present an example of how early people know who they are in this arena, I recall a day, years ago, when my own son and I (he was around 4½ att he time) were walking down a street we saw a woman ~big breasted, buxom, pleasing to the eyes. As we passed, he openly turned and stared at her while she walked away. And with enthusiam and joy he chimed out "Hey Dad! That's a pretty lady! a REAL pretty lady."
     At that precise instant I knew that HE knew he was heterosexual, every bit as much as when, at the tender age of 5, I knew I was gay as I fantasized and lusted inarticulatley while thinking of the "older" 7 year old kid and his big hairy-chested policeman dad who lived next to my grandmother's house.
     But our sexual impulses, instinctive as they are, are not, and never shall be, deciding factors in how we parent. Being a good parent may include a willingness to sacrifice one's social life as a single person on the prowl. Gay people who are willing to take on the responsibility of parenting know this. I know lots of heterosexual people with kids at home who still don't know this. A person who is gay by sexual orientation should be able to give birth to and raise, be able to adopt, and also to provide foster care housing based on their willingness to devote the time it takes for proper child-rearing, on their parenting abilities, and on their capacity to love. And that's it!
     Florida (and other states ~and nations~ as well) must change their laws and bureaucratic practices to make this possible. Anything less is re-creating Jim Crow Laws all over again.

FOR MORE INFO ON NEGATIVE SOCIAL IMPACT OF LAWS PROTECTING PREJUDICE AND BIGOTRY:
Black Code: Jim Crow Laws | An analysis of Jim Crow Laws and their Effects on Race Relations | A summary of laws enforcing segregation | Establishing Racial/Social Caste Systems

FOR INFO ON HELPING THE LOFTON FAMILY: Let Him Stay a site calling for action supporting gay adoptive parents | And further proof that gay people are freely persecuted IGL Human Rights Commission | FOR FAMILY SUPPORT P-FLAG Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays | AND TO PROTECT YOUR OWN RIGHTS American Civil Liberties Union |

FOOTNOTES:
¹ The language of deprsonalization is clearly put into play here. Unlike the "white person" neither the "negro" nor the "gay" is identified as a person.
²Social Control issues typically assign the role of "deviant" to those whom the powerful wish to disenfranchise. At times, such as with capitol offenses like murder, the control mechanism so employed my be legitimate. However, when a specific group of people (gay people for instance) are identified as deviant, the real motive for this role assignment is to divide the population as a whole. Create a demon, stereotype and mythologize the group, and one in power can always use that "demon" to blame for larger social problems that the powerful are unable (or do not wish) to resolve.

twig